I survived!

Well.  Today marks the end of my first official week back at work with students and the whole shebang.  I am still alive and so are my kids.  My house is still standing and is actually somewhat clean and tidy.  My eldest daughter was only sent to bed early three of the four nights that I worked because of a tantrum and she is warming up to the idea of being back in the dayhome.  When I picked her up today she actually said “I had so much fun at Z’s house today, Mom!”.  This was better than hearing about her being punched in the face earlier this week.  She wasn’t innocent – don’t worry.  She’s not being picked on for all you concerned parties out there.  Still, I wanted to punch the other kid in the face… 

So how come I feel like I am barely hanging on by my fingertips?  Maybe because I am.  I am exhausted beyond belief at the end of each day.  I am trying desperately to spend some quality time with the girls when we finally get home but they are both so wound up/exhausted by being at the dayhome all day that we only get about an hour and a half of good play time and snuggles in before someone starts whining or throwing a shit fit over something like an errant red pepper in her dinner, brushing her teeth and the texture of her replacement duvet because her other one is in the dryer.  R kept insisting that her cover was indeed dry and ‘not wet mama… sob, sob, sob…”  I actually had to lie down on my bed while she was on the potty to have my own tearful moment because I was so tired and had NO energy for any more histrionics.  K has been a bit more cooperative and has only been a bit tearful at the drop off to the dayhome.  That also makes me sad though because she commands so much less attention and time that I fear she is getting swept under the rug because she is an ‘easy baby’.  FML. 

All that being said, I know I have a lot to be grateful for and I am trying to look on the bright side.  I have a great class of kids.  My dayhome lady is lovely.  My husband is super helpful and is a veritable Mr Mom.  He can do it all ladies – mostly better than I can.  And he looks good in jeans.  My teaching partner is a good friend and also has a little one at home so we understand each other in that respect.  All this is good.  I guess I am still in shock that this week wasn’t just for fun.  Instead, this is my new normal and I am just pissed off about it.  I can make the most of it.  My family can have a good life this way.  I know all this – but I want something else.  I want flexibility and time to myself for my family.  I love teaching, but that isn’t all I love.  I love my girls.  Even when they are throwing shit fits.  Maybe not so much when they are throwing actual shit… but that is a different post altogether. 

Kudos to all you working mamas out there and to those mamas who work at home as a mom and as a professional.  Have a drink with me tonight.  I’m gonna have a few…

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