This is something that has been on my mind today because I started off my Saturday with an envigorating Barre class. I used to be a dancer a million years ago so this type of exercise is right up my alley. It is about a 40 minute drive to get there, but I go with a friend so we visit on the way there and back – not a bad way to start a weekend. Check it out at www.barrebodyfit.com. It rules.
I had my last baby 11 months ago and still feel ridiculously out of shape. Now, I wasn’t in great shape before I started having kids but I have worked damn hard to get some semblance of a body back after both girls. I started running and ran one 10 K when R was 11 months old, and then after K I started running when she was only 4 weeks old. I ran another 10 K when she was 13 weeks old, and then I just did another before she was 10 months old. I still look like what I believe to be a mixture of two of the following images:
I know this is not a new rant… Many moms stuggle with their bodies after having babies. Unless we are Jessica Alba or some freak of nature supermodel or have means to access personal trainers/dieticians/meal planners/cooks/maids/nannies in order to facilitate the 8 hour a day workouts and strict diet regimen we would have to adhere to in order to look like NOTHING happened to our bodies, we are most likely going to experience some angst in getting our bodies back.
Actually, I am never going to have my old body back. I wish I had enjoyed it more when I had it. No matter what I do I am never going to get rid of my Kate Gosselin-esque stomach. I only had one baby at a time! Why do I look like a woman who birthed sextuplets? No matter how much weight I lose I will never be the same again. I know that my beautiful babies are worth it, but still. I am allowed to mourn my old stomach. I had abs.
Anyhoo, my real issue with all this is what it has done to my psyche. I have a hot husband. When we were first married I felt we were on par with each other in the looks department and now I am feeling a bit lower on the totem pole thanks to my new physique. I also believe I have aged a bit faster than him due to the sleep deprivation and general haggard appearance I keep these days. Anyone who knows him and us knows he will love me no matter what, and he does, but it really doesn’t matter what he thinks at this point does it? I feel less lovable, less desirable and am less approachable because of the hit I have taken to the old self-esteem. So, a third kid in the near future isn’t likely. Catch my drift? Also, when I walk by a mirror I often have to do a double take because what I see doesn’t match what I still believe I look like.
I guess I am on a journey, like many of you, to accept the new me. I have kids – that is something to adjust to in and of itself. Remember when a 28 degree day meant drinking on a patio? Today, it meant a trip to Rona and out for ice cream with the kiddos. Still fun, just different. I guess I have to think of my body the same way now. Still fun, just different. Ha! I can still do cool things! I can run far and fast (R says ‘mama go so fass’ everytime she sees me in a headband and sneakers which is priceless). I can still stretch and bend and that allows me to play with my kids, pick them up and run after them. I know it is all for a good cause and I am on my way to accepting the new me. I hope we all get there sooner rather than later.
If anyone knows of a good plastic surgeon, let me know.